A Perfect Murder

Dear Krishna,

Your face used to be lit up with brightness. A strong girl trotting towards womanhood. All of 22 years with pure confidence. “I have confidence and confidence alone”. Remember. You were so ambitious and you surely had the courage and determination to achieve them. Your parents and friends were so proud of you. Most of all you loved yourself, not in a bigheaded way but just coz you knew what you wanted and you bloody well knew that you would get it. You called yourself Krishna because you so strongly believed you were the chosen one, God’s own child. I loved you so much. I miss you so much.

I wish you were here. Why did you have to leave me? Was life so harsh on you? I need you so much Krishna, more now than ever. At 40, when I look back in time life was so beautiful when we were 25. I never knew that we would part. I never knew I will reach where I am today. The sets backs and the reality of life have pulled me down Krishna. Krishna why why did you leave me and go.

Actually I know why you left. I know what made you run away from all of us. The responsibilities and duties that hit you as you grew. Responsibilities towards your parents, towards friends and society. I was not there for you and you punished me by running away from me. I put you above my family and responsibilities. I thought that was the right thing to do. I thought that this was my life now and you were my past. I thought I will be happy. But I am not happy. I have a so called perfect life. A loving husband, two lovely kids who are doing well in life. I’m pretty successful at my job too. But to achieve all of these I had to lose you. I am not happy, krishan. Not happy coz you are not around. You were all that I had. I am ashamed of myself for letting you down, ashamed that I cant get you back. And today as I sit in the bath tub with a blade in my hand I know for sure that I am going to lose you for ever. I am going to kill you. They will cry for a mother, a wife or a daughter. They don’t know that I have been dead since the day you left. Hahahaha. We both were slowly dieing, day after day. Slowly, since we parted ways. I have been killing you, slowly. No one will mourn your death. No one will miss you. It has taken me 15 years to commit this perfect murder. Who would know of your death krishna? No one. Everyone has long forgotten about you. You only remain in my memory. You Krishna are just my past, my strong confident vibrant self.


Love
Suman